The Myth of 'Walking the Talk': How We Contribute to Imposter Syndrome Without Realizing It
By Dr. Preeti Mistry
I can’t tell you how many people I have come across (myself included at one point in time) who hold themselves back from what they are truly meant to do because of a certain buzz phrase: “walk the talk.” We have deeply internalized a broken definition of what it actually means.
Somewhere along the way, we turned a phrase about integrity into a demand for absolute, bulletproof perfection, or for having already reached the other side of the bridge. We’ve bought into the lie that to lead, teach, help or guide others, we must first have every single aspect of our own lives completely figured out. And that couldn’t be further from the truth. This is exactly where imposter syndrome creeps in. We start to feel insufficient simply because we are still growing.
I felt the weight of this myth firsthand a couple of years back when someone laughed at me after I mentioned I had my own personal coach. In that moment, I felt my stomach tighten up a bit as it braced for impact, and a couple of seconds later I could also see the inherent flaw in her thinking: that in order to be a coach you have to know it all, as if growth had a ceiling, and once you reached it, there was nowhere left to grow.
And that’s when it occurred to me that just like her, many of us fall into the trap and forget there is no ceiling. To even think there is one is missing the point. Growth never stops. Anyone getting a coach, including a coach, means they are actively committed to their own expansion.
The Myth
We think we have to successfully cross to the other side of the bridge (achieving the perfect body, the perfect career, or the final, flawless outcome) before we have the right to help anyone else. But that is a dangerous illusion.
Look at the practitioners we trust with our health and our hearts every day:
• A doctor or nurse can fall ill and be navigating their own healing journey while successfully treating a patient.
• A dentist doesn’t need perfect teeth to fix yours; they might have a filling or two and still possess the exact skill needed to treat your smile.
• A coach doesn’t need a flawless life to guide someone else.
None of these professionals are magic, and their authority doesn’t come from having a spotless life. It comes from the fact that they have mastered a skill and actually put what they have learned into practice.
The healthcare clinician managing their own diabetes knows to watch their diet and follow through with their own doctor. The dentist knows exactly how to brush and floss, and to go for routine checkups to ensure nothing new has developed. And the coach, who is still on their own lifelong mission to live their best life, knows precisely what tools to deploy on difficult days and to seek guidance when they feel stuck, because they are living what they teach.
“Walking the talk” is about having the grit to practice what you preach when you are right in the thick of the crossing. For me, it looks like slowing my breath when I feel anxious, pausing before responding when someone says something triggering, or opening myself up to a new perspective when I have been holding on tightly to an old one. Because it’s how you carry yourself through the journey that matters.
Whether it pertains to your purpose, to love or to any of your other relationships, believing that you need to be fully healed before taking a few steps forward only keeps you waiting for a moment that never comes.
When the Doubt Shows Up
So the next time someone makes you feel like, “Who are you to xyz...?” pause and remember that they are coming from a limited understanding of what skills you truly possess and what it means to be aligned.
Here are some reflection questions to ask yourself in these moments:
Question 1: The next time you think “Who are you to…?”, ask yourself, “Where is that voice actually coming from?” And according to whom? Who wrote the rulebook that says you must have a flawless reality before you are allowed to share your viewpoint, your learned skills, your leadership, or your care?
Question 2: Where are you holding yourself back out of a fear of being judged?
Look back closely at everything you have learned. Your skills and education definitely matter, as do your experiences through life. Together they are the full package. Are you pausing your growth and expansion simply because you are in the middle of a messy crossing rather than sitting safely on the opposite bank?
Question 3: If you stopped measuring your value by your “outcomes,” what would happen to your confidence? Shift your gaze away from the opposite bank of the river and start to find ways to appreciate yourself and your capability now.
Let’s Talk
If you are a high achieving woman and you’ve been holding yourself back in your relationships or in your purpose, constantly questioning whether you are ready, whether you have done enough, or whether you have earned the right to go after what you truly want in love or life... I want you to know that you are not alone. I see this all the time in the professional women I work with. Sometimes what keeps us stuck isn’t a lack of skill or readiness at all, but the fear of what other people might say or do.
If that sounds like you, let’s talk about it. Book a strategy call with me here and let’s explore what it could look like to stop waiting for the other side of the bridge and start leading from within.
Dr. Preeti Mistry is a certified and accredited Conscious Dating, Relationship and Self-Leadership Coach, Certified NLP Practitioner, and the founder & CEO of Best Self Forward LLC. She works with high-achieving women who want to lead themselves well from within and helps them form the kind of fulfilling connections they have always wanted by finding their voice and returning home to themselves.
Interested in bringing a meaningful workshop or masterclass experience to your community of women? Schedule a conversation with Preeti to explore what is possible.
