The Bravest Thing a Doctor Can Say is "Let Me Check"

By Dr. Preeti Mistry

"How old are you, doctor?"

If I had a dollar for every time a patient asked me that in my first two years of practice, I could have paid in full for a vacation far away on a beautiful, isolated island with blue water.

I was around 25, when I started working as a dentist in a corporate clinical setting. The doctor before me had just left, and her patients were being transferred over to me. Which meant that day after day, I was meeting people who had never heard of me and had no clue what to expect. And before I could even pick up a mirror, the questions would come: “How old are you? How long have you been doing this? Where did you train?”

Eventually I got so used to it that I could feel the question coming before they finished asking. And honestly, I understood. What they were really asking was not about my age. They were asking, can I trust you?

I had completed four years of training and a residency. I knew my craft. But there is a stretch of time in every new doctor’s life when your confidence is still learning to spread its wings, and the unspoken rule of healthcare is already sitting in the room with you: the doctor should know everything.

That clinic became my training ground. Not just for my hands, but for my heart.

The Degree Is Only Step One

Here is something no one tells you at graduation. Obtaining the degree is just step one. Then the real learning begins.

I came in believing dentistry was mostly about clinical skill. I learned quickly that it was so much more than that. A huge part of this work is the relationship between doctor and patient. Every person who sat in my chair was part of my education. The guarded ones. The chatty ones. The ones from every walk of life you can imagine. And especially the strong personality ones. Which brings me to her.

The Patient Who Was Trying Me On

I remember this particular day a new patient was waiting in the dental chair in my operatory. She was not afraid to speak her mind. From the moment she sat down, I could feel her watching me. Not unkindly. She was trying me on, the way you might test a bridge before you put your full weight on it. I could feel her thinking, “Let’s see what kind of doctor this one is.”

We were going over her treatment plan, which was quite complex, when a question came up. And here is the honest truth. I was fairly sure of what plan might work best for her. Maybe ninety percent sure. But I was new, still learning not only my clinical footing but also doing things within the policies of the practice.

And I stood at a fork in the road that every new practitioner knows.

I could give her the answer that would protect my ego and image, or I could say the thing that felt riskier.

In that moment I chose the response that felt right to me.

I said, “ I believe that should work, but hold on. Let me just double check with my director."

I walked across the hall and asked. It turned out to be a more complicated situation than it looked, so he came in with me and spoke with her himself. I stood there, watched, and learned.

What She Said Next

After everything was sorted out, she looked at me and said something I have carried with me ever since.

"Doctor, I like you. You didn’t just give me an answer you thought was right. When you weren’t sure, you went and asked for help. That is something I really admire in a doctor. I’m glad to be with you."

I had spent the whole appointment worried about seeming like I did not know enough. And the very thing I feared would make her doubt me was the thing that made her trust me.

Asking Is a Leadership Skill

Here is what I have come to believe. The real obstacle in that room was never a lack of knowledge. It was ego, whispering the thing it whispers to all of us: "I can’t let them know that I might not know."

We become so concerned with how we appear that it can lead us to the wrong decision. And in healthcare, the wrong decision does not just bruise an ego. It lands on a patient.

I saw this all the time. Over the next several years, newly hired colleagues would come to me with their questions, but they would not walk down the hall to the director, as asking him probably felt like admitting they did not know enough, or worse being exposed as incompetent in some way. And here is the thing. Often their questions were not really questions for me. They were questions suited for the director. So at times, I would go and ask for them. The question was not mine, but I asked it anyway, because getting the proper answer mattered more than who it came from. And I can tell you, more harm is done by the thing left unasked than by the question itself.

What I understood that day, even if I could not have named it yet, is that asking is a leadership skill. It asks for a moment of vulnerability. Pausing right where you need more information or extra help, naming it, and then actually going to get it. It comes with the humility of knowing, I know what I know, and there is always room for growth.

My compass that day was not how I looked. It was making sure the best thing was done for my patient. And being the right kind of practitioner will always matter more than how you appear to anyone.

Final Words

To this day, I don't hesitate to ask, especially now, as I approach new skills and tread a completely different pathway, running my own business in the coaching field. I ask because I don't have it all figured out, and I am still learning. And it’s all completely okay.

Part of my intention in writing this is to encourage clinicians and practitioners of all kinds to be more open. To pause where you need more information, name it, and go get it. Your patients and your clients will trust you more for it, not less.

And my ask is for the leaders, especially those of you in charge of companies, practices, and teams. Be open and welcoming to questions. Encourage them. Foster growth with them. Because making someone feel small for asking teaches them to stop asking, and that is where the real harm begins.

So let’s reframe: Asking a question does not equal incompetence. Asking a question equals someone you can trust who is willing to learn and grow.