Leading with Love: A Different Way of Understanding Leadership

By Dr. Preeti Mistry

For the longest time, I believed leadership meant being at the top position. The one hosting the meeting. The extrovert. The person who is loudest, who talks the most, the one who naturally commands attention.

And don’t get me wrong. Sometimes leadership does look like that.

But over time, I began to recognize a different dimension of leadership, one that has far less to do with performance or visibility and far more to do with who we are being in each moment. A quieter, more conscious kind of leadership.

And upon reflecting over time here are the lessons I've learned about leadership so far, the main one being: Leadership can come in many forms, from any level, from any role, from any place.

Lesson 1: Leadership lives in how we show up

Leadership can look like the person in charge who makes it safe for ideas to move freely, where thoughts are welcomed rather than managed...and it can also be each individual who contributes, even when their voice feels small.

It's the person who asks the question everyone else is afraid to ask, maybe to understand something better, maybe even to offer a new perspective, and in doing so offers clarity to the whole room.

Leadership can be the silence you hold that allows another person to process and unlock their own insight.

It can come through curiosity and empathy, choosing to understand instead of label.

It can look like standing beside someone who feels outnumbered or dismissed so they know their perspective matters.

Sometimes, leadership is simply noticing who has not spoken and intentionally making space for them and inviting them to share their thoughts.

It can be as quiet as helping an elderly person cross the road or helping an animal in need.

Leadership can be responding from a sense of duty, or dharma, rather than recognition.

And sometimes, leadership is the small but powerful step of voicing yourself again after you have been silenced.

Lesson 2: Leadership begins with self-leadership

I have also come to see leadership in self-management.

In the choice to pause instead of react. To regulate instead of escalate. To stay grounded when it would be easier to harden or withdraw.

Leadership is resilience. Not measured by speed, but by the willingness to keep returning.

It is also knowing when to step away so you can replenish and come back with clarity rather than depletion.

Lesson 3: Leadership is relational

Leadership shows up in how we relate to others and to ourselves.

In how we listen. In how we repair. In how we include and respond.

It becomes especially visible in moments of disagreement, tension, or misunderstanding, particularly within close relationships.

True leadership creates space for someone to speak so they do not become silenced, externally or internally.

And relational leadership can also be reaching out to someone who has gone quiet, even when it would be easier to think, “They have not reached out to me, so why should I?”

True leadership checks in.

Lesson 4: Leadership creates safety, not fear

A conscious leader does not dominate a room. They stabilize it.

Psychological safety becomes the natural byproduct of grounded presence.

People do not do their best work because they are pushed or micromanaged. They do it because they are trusted to do what they do best and are feel safe to soften enough to be real.

Lesson 5: Leadership includes serving without collapsing boundaries

Leadership includes service, but not at the cost of your own well being.

It is the ability to show up with care, presence, and responsibility without taking on what is not yours to carry.

Serving does not mean over-functioning. It does not mean rescuing. And it does not mean abandoning yourself or your value in the name of being helpful.

There is leadership in knowing where your role ends and another person’s begins.

In offering support without controlling outcomes. In being available without becoming depleted. In staying connected to your values while honoring your limits.

Serving with boundaries allows others to rise rather than be managed, and allows you to lead from integrity instead of obligation.

Lesson 6: Leadership is sometimes invisible

Some of the most formative leadership moments are never named.

They are not praised. They are not documented. Nor are they credited.

And yet, they quietly shift the tone of a room, a relationship, or even a life.

And sometimes impact of this quiet leadership shows up later as borrowed language, adopted ideas, or ways of being that live on through others.

Leadership has more to do with the quality of the impact you make than the quantity of people you reach.

Some leaders move quickly and touch many lives at once. Others move slowly, deeply, one relationship at a time.

Some lead in rooms. Others lead in quiet conversations.

Both are forms of leadership are valid.

And not every leader is meant to lead in the same way.

Lesson 7: Leadership is lived, not claimed

Leadership is not an identity to adopt.

It is a way of being that reveals itself over time, through consistency, integrity, and how others feel in your presence.

True leadership carries a "we", not a "me".

It lifts others without backstabbing, gossip, or comparison, competing only with yourself to grow into a more aligned version each time.

A true leader brings out the leader in others, not from “let’s see what you’ve got,” which usually creates a pressure filled performance, but from truly seeing them as whole, complete and resourceful, and believing in their capacity to grow.

Lesson 8: Leadership is choosing love, again and again

Leadership is not just how we show up in public spaces or professional settings.

It shows up in how you lead yourself at home, with family and loved ones.

In how you respond when no one is watching. In how you speak when you are tired, triggered, or misunderstood. In the choices you make when it would be easier to withdraw, harden, or protect yourself through distance.

And by choosing love I am not talking about sentimentality or niceness.

I mean staying regulated enough to remain humane and honor the soul in front of you. Open enough to listen without necessarily having to agree. Grounded enough to respond rather than react.

This is often where self leadership is tested the most... and if we fail at times, we know its okay because we are human and through compassion, we understand that when we know better we do better.

Conclusion

This is what leading with love means to me.

Love that comes from fullness and abundance, not scarcity.

And it can live anywhere. At work. At home. With a loved one.

I could go on. There are countless forms leadership can take.

Just as there is diversity in life, there is diversity in leadership. To confine it to one expression is to miss all that it can be.

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Dr. Preeti Mistry is a Certified and Accredited Conscious Leadership, Dating and Relationship Coach with over a decade of experience in corporate dentistry. She specializes in helping high-achieving women in medicine and dentistry lead well from within, cultivating emotional intelligence, communication skills, and self-trust to transform their professional and personal relationships. You can learn more about her here.