What Ghosting Is Really About and What It Reveals

By Dr. Preeti Mistry

Ghosting has a very specific way of getting under someone’s skin because it doesn’t just end a connection; it ends it without clarity, without context, and without closure. And when human beings are left without closure, the mind does what it naturally does. It tries to fill in the blanks. It tries to make meaning out of silence. It tries to understand what happened, what shifted, and most importantly, what it supposedly says about you.

And that’s why ghosting can feel so painful.

It can take someone who felt grounded, emotionally steady, and secure in who they are, and suddenly send them into a spiral of questioning themselves.

"Was I too much?"

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Did I come off needy? Did I misread the connection?"

"Was I not attractive enough, interesting enough, good enough?"

And what makes ghosting especially destabilizing is that there is no direct answer, so your nervous system stays stuck in uncertainty, waiting for information that may never come.

But here is what I want to say clearly, because this is the part that people often forget when they’re in the emotional aftermath of being ghosted:

Ghosting has far more to do with the person doing the ghosting than it has to do with you.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t mean it isn’t disappointing. And it doesn’t mean you don’t get to feel whatever you feel. But it does mean that someone else’s inability to communicate does not automatically translate into a reflection of your worth.

What Ghosting Really Feels Like

Most people define ghosting as someone disappearing, but what it actually feels like on the receiving end is something much deeper than that. What ghosting often communicates, even if unintentionally, is a sense of disrespect.

Not necessarily because someone “owes” you a long explanation, but because there is a basic level of decency that comes with human interaction, especially when there has been emotional investment, time spent, or meaningful conversation exchanged.

Whether the person’s answer was going to be positive or negative, leaving someone hanging without a word can feel dismissive, because it puts the other person in a position where they are forced to sit in ambiguity, wondering what happened and questioning their own perception. And the truth is, the mind will almost always try to make the uncertainty personal, because it is easier to blame yourself than it is to accept that someone else simply lacked the emotional maturity to handle a conversation.

Ghosting leaves the other person not only without closure, but without respect. And that’s what makes it hurt.

Why People Ghost (And Why It’s Not Just a Dating Thing)

Ghosting is usually discussed in the context of dating, but what’s interesting is that it’s not actually exclusive to romantic relationships at all. I’ve seen ghosting happen in friendships. I’ve seen it happen in business. I’ve even seen it happen among professionals in leadership positions, people who appear outwardly confident and competent, yet still avoid direct communication when something becomes uncomfortable.

Because the truth is, the way we behave in one area of our lives is often how we behave in other areas as well. Someone who avoids difficult conversations in dating is often the same person who avoids difficult conversations in the workplace. The environment changes, the stakes change, the language changes, but the emotional pattern remains the same.

And most of the time, ghosting comes down to one simple thing, based on what I’ve come to believe through lived experience, through the experiences of friends and colleagues, and through what I’ve seen repeatedly with clients.

Avoidance.

According to Psychology Today, sometimes it’s avoidance because someone is conflict-averse and doesn’t know how to have difficult conversations. Sometimes it’s avoidance because they don’t want to disappoint someone, and they’d rather disappear than face the discomfort of being honest.

Other times, ghosting is simply convenience. It’s the lowest-effort way to end something, because it requires no accountability and no emotional responsibility. No uncomfortable moment, no explanation, no potential backlash. Just silence, and these are the kinds of patterns that align closely with what I’ve observed repeatedly in my coaching work.

And yes, sometimes ghosting happens for safety reasons. If someone is aggressive, volatile, manipulative, or unpredictable, silence can be a form of self-protection. In those situations, disappearing isn’t emotional immaturity, it’s self-preservation.

I also believe that sometimes it’s avoidance because they are emotionally overwhelmed and they shut down under pressure, not because they are trying to be cruel, but because they don’t know how to regulate themselves and communicate at the same time.

But in the majority of everyday dating situations, ghosting isn’t about safety. It’s about someone not having the courage, skill, or emotional capacity to communicate clearly.

We Often Hear People Say “Silence Is an Answer”… But When Is It Appropriate, and When Is It Not?

We often hear people say, “Silence is an answer.” And in many cases, I actually agree with that, because silence does communicate something. Not hearing back from someone can tell you they’re no longer interested, or that they’re upset, or that they’re avoiding something they don’t want to face. Silence speaks, whether someone intends it to or not.

But in my opinion, the more important question is not whether silence is an answer, but when silence is appropriate and when silence becomes avoidance disguised as “space.”

There are absolutely situations where silence is healthy, necessary, and even wise. If someone feels unsafe, threatened, or emotionally manipulated, silence can be a form of protection. If someone has repeatedly pushed your boundaries and you have already communicated clearly, silence can be appropriate, because at some point you don’t need to keep explaining yourself to someone who is committed to misunderstanding you. And if you are genuinely overwhelmed, mentally overloaded, or emotionally flooded, taking space is not only understandable, it can actually be responsible.

Needing quiet is okay. Needing time is okay. Needing to pause before responding is okay.

However, in my opinion, emotional maturity is the ability to communicate even in those moments. Even something simple like, “I’m overwhelmed right now and I need a little space, can I circle back to this later?” makes a world of difference, because it still honors the other person’s humanity while honoring your own capacity.

Silence for a short period of time can be a pause.

But silence that stretches on for a week, two weeks, or longer with no communication at all is not “space.” That’s avoidance. And that’s where silence stops being healthy and starts becoming ghosting.

The Question That Changes Everything

So the next time someone ghosts you, here are some self -led questions you can ask yourself instead going down a negative spiral for hours or even days:

Is this the kind of behavior I consider healthy?

Is this the kind of communication I want in a relationship?

Is this the kind of emotional maturity I want to build with someone?

Is this the kind of person I could truly trust, rely on, and feel safe with?

Pausing to see what the behavior is showing you is key. Because ghosting tells you how they handle discomfort. It tells you how they communicate under pressure. It tells you whether they take responsibility for the impact they have on other people.

And if someone is willing to disappear instead of communicate, then it is worth asking yourself whether this is the standard you want to accept in your life.

Because you deserve consistency. You deserve reliability. You deserve someone who doesn’t keep your nervous system on edge, constantly wondering where you stand.

Sometimes the Real Strength Is Facing the Conversation

In a world where avoidance has become normalized, the ability to face a conversation directly is becoming a rare form of emotional strength. A lot of people think walking away quickly is power, and sometimes it is, but more often than not, the deeper form of strength is being able to stay present long enough to communicate honestly, especially when something feels uncomfortable, unclear, or emotionally charged. Because the truth is, real connection is not built through perfect moments, it is built through the moments where something feels off and someone still chooses to show up instead of disappearing.

And this is where the idea of leading with love matters, because leading with love does not mean tolerating behavior that disrespects you, and it does not mean staying in situations that feel misaligned or unhealthy. Leading with love means leading yourself well. It means being willing to communicate with clarity, curiosity, and integrity, even when it would be easier to avoid the discomfort, and it also means having the self-respect to recognize when someone else is not capable of meeting you at that level.

Final Words: Remember, Ghosting Is Information

If someone ghosts you, it’s completely normal to feel hurt, disappointed, or even blindsided, because being left in silence can feel incredibly dismissive and unsettling, especially when you thought there was genuine connection or momentum. But as hard as it can be, this is the moment where self-leadership matters most, because the goal is not to spiral and make their behavior a reflection of your worth, but to step back and see the situation clearly for what it is.

Ghosting is information. It is feedback. It is a data point that tells you something about the other person’s capacity to communicate, their willingness to take responsibility for the impact they have on others, and their ability to handle discomfort with tact and maturity. And when you start to view it that way, you stop chasing closure from someone who has already shown you how they handle respect.

And while it may sting in the moment, it is also an invitation to raise your standards, trust what is being revealed, and remind yourself that you deserve to build with someone who is emotionally available enough to have the conversation, not someone who leaves you sitting in uncertainty. In the end, their silence may not feel like an answer you wanted, but it is still an answer, and it is one that can guide you back to your own clarity, self-respect, and inner stability.

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Dr. Preeti Mistry is a Certified and Accredited Conscious Leadership and Relationship Coach with over a decade of experience in corporate dentistry. She specializes in helping high-achieving women in medicine and dentistry lead well from within, cultivating emotional intelligence, communication skills, and self-trust to transform their professional and personal relationships. You can learn more about her here.